30 things every Woman Should Have and should know by the time she's 30...yeeeeeaaaah right.

So, I found this absolute "treasure" that's been going around as "good" advice.  Another list that women have to live up to or we're not "successful" or something...  Here's the article and my responses will be in red:

In 1997, Glamour magazine published a story titled "30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30." The list, written by Pamela Redmond Satran, was so popular that women started emailing it around, misattributing it to various female luminaries including Maya Angelou and Hillary Clinton. Noting what a phenomenon it had become, the editors of Glamour created a book around it, featuring essays from (mostly) famous women on each of the items on the list. The book, released today, includes meditations from Katie Couric on work and love, Portia de Rossi on accepting your body, and one from the list's original author, who is also a Huffington Post blogger, on how to live alone.
Because the list still makes us so, so happy (oh yes, I'm JUMPING for joy.  I love impossible standards to live up to!), we asked Glamour's permission to reprint it here:
By 30, you should have ...
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. (Who CARES?  I personally don't WANT a boyfriend I can imagine going back to.  How would help me in ANY way with my current relationship.  Beats me...not to mention the angst you "evidentally" have to feel if you don't date men or haven't had a boyfriend by 30...)
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.  (Yes, because my success is calculated by my furniture...)
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. (The EMPLOYER of my dreams?  WTF?  I don't plan any outfits for my employers.  I wear something nice.  This is considered ESSENTIAL to know by age 30.  Give me a break.)
 4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. (Yes, because I'm so ASHAMED when I carry a servicable umbrella that isn't stylish...heck I don't own an umbrella.  I'm such a FAILURE.)
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.  (Ok, whatever.  *yawn*)
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.  (and if you don't have any juicy sordid details in your past, well then you'll just have NOTHING to tell anybody after 30...)
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it.  (Do people at 30 suddenly realize they won't die young or something?  And, NEWS FLASH, 30 isn't that old.  Sure, save for retirement, but money for funding "old age".  For what?  Plastic surgery and face cream?  I'm sorry, I'm a little more secure about myself than that.)
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you.  (While probably a good idea, I doubt this is really something people need to be reminded to do before 30.)
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.  (And if you're a SAHM that hasn't been into the work force yet, you fail at this one evidentally...)
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.  (Ok, it's a little specific, but if they mean have friends, then I would hope you do by age 30...)
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.  (I suck at life.  I don't have a black lace bra.  I'm a horrible person.  Shoot me.)
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.  (And if you're poor or on a budget, then you just haven't worked hard enough!)
13. The belief that you deserve it.  (That all depends on what the "it" is...)
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.  (Does washing one's face in the shower count as a skincare regimen?  :P  And, yes, women after 30 need constant reminders that life "doesn't get better after 30".  Because normally we're taught to be SOOOO optimistic about aging.  WTH...I plan on not being manically depressed after 29, tyvm)
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.  (And if you're NOT in a relationship or you are a SAHM, you fail at life...)

By 30, you should know ...
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.  (Who says everyone needs to fall in love to live fulfilling successful lives?)
2. How you feel about having kids.  (Yes, cause you know after 29, you no longer get a choice about this and you definitely CANNOT change your mind...that would be too realistic...)
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.  (Unless of course you actually have liked all your jobs, don't date men/don't date, and have friends that are decent enough you don't have to confront.)
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.  (Ok, generic enough I'll take it, though by age 30?)
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.  (Learning to kiss is a.  hardly essential and b. a lifelong sort of thing IF you date.)
6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.  (Really?  This is just silly.  Who is going to know if you don't fulfill these requirements?  And I, I get my pants hemmed at the place down the street, not the "best place in town".)
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.  (If you live alone, this shouldn't be a problem, you've already figured it out.  Shouldn't people need to know how to live in whatever situation they're in?)
8. Where to go -- be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing.  (Ok, this one is fine.)
9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.  (How about the fact that you shouldn't care about these things in general?  Or that it's a little silly to put in a list of "essentials"?)
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.  (Ummmm, ok.  Some people may have enjoyed their childhoods you know.  And, most 30 year olds would know its over...most 18 year olds would too.)
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.  (Things change.  What you would and wouldn't do isn't set in stone, and probably shouldn't be.)
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.  (Actually, some people get away with not flossing all the time...and drinking, and smoking, and doing drugs...A call for moderation would be much better advice and even then.)
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.  (Once again, things change as we age.  People change.  You don't need to have this one figured out by age 30.  That's just silly.)
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.  (Hopefully you've learned this earlier than 29!)
15. Why they say life begins at 30  (Life begins at birth.  Enjoy life regardless of your age.)

What's on your personal list of things to have and know -- and possibly do -- before turning 30?

Clearly, this author thinks that all women date men (and if they don't, are somehow unworthy), are terrified of getting older, have a low self-esteem, are all part of the upper middle class or higher, and care mostly about trivial, pointless things (hello flossing and furniture, so UBER important! *rolls eyes*).  And why are things really that essential by age 30?  Really?  Does anyone NEED to know how many kids they want and have a man already?  Just having a list for all women to check off to make sure they're successful is pretty lame.  Do we really need to prescribe pointless checklists that all women need to check off in order to make themselves feel better or worse about their personal success?

Here's my list of much more practical things to worry about than the above:
1.  Women, throw all the lists that other people made out with the garbage.  Each of us is a unique individual with our own list for success.  Success is not determined by anyone other than yourself.

2.  You are NOT defined by whether you have a man or not (despite almost everyone telling you that it matters, it really doesn't), whether you floss or not, or your furniture.  You are ONLY defined by what you choose to define yourself by and if someone doesn't think so, then tell them to get a life.

3.  Friends are a biggy.  Make them, keep them.

4.  Do what makes you happy and fulfilled in life, regardless of how society might view you.

5.  Do what you need to to be healthy, which may or may not be the same things as what other people do to be healthy.

6.  Do your best to make decisions throughout your life that will not leave you with regrets.

7.  Feel free to disregard the first 6 if these things do not seem good enough for you.  I will not judge you either way.  :)


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read:  The Gospel of Mary of Magdala
taste:  chai tea latte
see:  a cloudy day
hear: my students working on a worksheet.  (I've been adding little by little to this as I walk by while making my rounds :P) 
smell:  Chai
touch:  a very nice keyboard (easy to press keys)
think:  that women place waaaaay too many trivial standards upon each other...
feel:  cold.  We had an impromptu 1 hour long emergency evacuation.  Not sure what for yet.  I'll ask around at lunch.  Maybe there will be a second post today...
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What I think of "The Hunger Games"

For those who haven't read it, you should.  I found it to be an excellent, excellent series.  And here's why:

Katniss is a wonderful main character.  She's not your average female character for sure.  She knows how to hunt, has awesome aim, is smart, doesn't worry about her appearance, defies cruel authority, and has such a compassion and respect for human life (despite the circumstances she is placed under).  I believe that young women need to have more female characters like Katniss in their reading repertoire.  Books need to represent a wide range of female characters, because that's the reality of the world we live in.  Women have just as varied a range of character as men do in real life, but this isn't portrayed as much in books/media.  This makes it hard for young girls to find examples of the sorts of women they would like to be when they grow up, because the options are limited.  I'm thrilled that The Hunger Games trilogy is enough of a hit that the majority of young people will be able to read and appreciate what an amazing character Collins' created.

The book is also amazing in that it really highlights what should be important in life.  Compassion, love, integrity, honor, are all emphasized because of the atrocious and cruel scenario that is set up.  It's one of those things that you don't know is important until you don't have it anymore.  Even in a cruel and purposefully arbitrary world, people can still have hope and fight for the freedom to love and live in a fulfilling, meaningful way.  

This book series really resonates with our young people today because they can identify with the sometimes cruel and arbitrary adult world that imposes oppressive beliefs and practices on them.  While of course the book is an overexaggeration of the problems, its makes one think of the horrors many children face in our modern day that children should never be subject to.

This book is a critique of our own society.  The capital, the one place that rules them all is made up of people with nothing better to do than be entertained and worry about things like food and fashion.  They are gluttonous, ignorant, uncompassionate, and frivolous.  They don't seem to understand or care that children die in the Hunger Games.  They obsess unhealthfully about the most trivial things.  They are constantly concerned about appearance and style, even to the extent of plastic surgery to make them look like an animal and the like.  Isn't that just the way that society seems to be heading?  Reality TV and media in general advertise to get people to obsess over just the same things.  It's something to think about.

As a feminist, I think there are some very female-positive elements to the book series.  While not intended to highlight feminist ideas, it is very accepting and open to the idea that people take on the roles they are personally best suited to, and not the traditional roles established by society as male or female.  The apocalyptic scenario seems to help everyone realize that gender roles simply aren't necessary when everyone must do what they can to survive.  Women aren't regarded as odd or un-feminine when they can shoot with better accuracy than men and are the main bread-winners of the family.  Men aren't considered weak or feminine if they are the one who is saved from death by a woman.  Males don't seem to have a macho complex and females are not seen as objects to be viewed and ogled.  And, all genders are criticized for being unnecessarily violent, even during a war.  There is a male and female protagonist, and a male and female antagonist, making it clear to the reader that males don't have a monopoly on violence and females don't have a monopoly on gentleness/compassion.  Peeta is a great example for young men in that he is no less of a man or person because he is forgiving, abhors unnecessary violence, patient, and nurturing of others.  It puts all of the normal gender stereotypes we hear today on end and shakes it up.  Hopefully people realize just how much about gender roles is a social construct and not necessarily a biological reality.

Anyway, that's my take on the books.  They are the sort of books I will have to buy and read over and over.  I think with each read, more nuance can be picked up.  I think its an 11 out of 10 just like Harry Potter.

So, my readers, what do you think of the series if you've read it?  If you haven't read it, will you?

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read: taste: see: hear: smell: touch: think: feel: via

Ms. Feminist Teacher

Continuing a reader's question here:
This is from Jacquelineand... (her blog is here, if you want to check it out).

"So, questions, per your request on your last blog...what led you to teaching, what aspect(s) of teaching are you most passionate about and how does it tie in with your feminism, if it does."


I already answered the first two questions here.  This post is to discuss how my feminism ties into my teaching.


Ok.  So for those who don't know, I'm a feminist.  I believe in women's rights and in women receiving equal dignity and rights as men.  This is not yet a reality, hence why feminism is still very necessary.  Probably the most glaring inequalities is the amount that women are paid for the same work as men and the lack of female representation in politics and in business leadership (top 500 corporations are led by less than 2% women I believe...).  I won't go into detail too much about why I'm feminist here.  But I will add, that I am not just a feminist.  I am against oppression of all forms.  Against men, children, people of different class or race, etc.  No one should be discriminated against for who they are.  I am an LGBTIQ ally, against child abuse or neglect of any form, against legislated discrimination, etc.  I'm still learning more about oppression and what I can do to eliminate it.  This will be a lifelong journey for me.


This question only asks about my feminism and teaching.  So here we go.  As a teacher, I do not believe that it is my job to share my beliefs.  My job is to help prepare young people to be positively contributing citizens.  Young people need to be taught to think for themselves, especially in a world where the young are simply told what to believe.  I always present the facts, and then guide my students to choose their own beliefs based on the facts, reminding them that facts can change.  I encourage them to choose a belief that is non-destructive to others.  This is done very subtly and not very often, as most of the time in language class these sorts of issues simply aren't brought up.  The large majority of the time we're immersed in conjugations, vocabulary, and grammar. : )  I tend to drop facts and statistics as I go along that I think will better inform them of the realities of this world.  As a feminist, I do NOT tolerate any comments that are derogatory about the female gender between my students.  I immediately take action and have a discussion if I EVER hear some boy call another boy a "pansy", a "girl", or "like a girl" in a derogatory manner.  I address my students as ladies and gentleman and not "guys".  I keep them abreast of all the feminist happenings in France and other francophone countries.  (More recently, some towns in France have completely dropped the "mademoiselle" title and started calling all women "madame", regardless of age or marital status.  The French language has no equivalent to "Ms." and therefore, no marital-neutral title.  They also didn't think it was fair to distinguish between whether or not a female is married when males are not identified at all by marital status, something we continue to do in the English language.)  I make sure to NEVER discourage a student from ANY profession or life goal REGARDLESS of their age, race, size, ANYTHING.  STUDENTS can do any job/career they put their minds to.  I encourage empathetic behavior in all my students, especially those that need more practice with it.  I state at the beginning of class that no one should ever be made fun of because of gender (and orientation, race, or just being different).  I make sure my class knows that I have a 0% tolerance for bullying of any form.  I also wear my "I stand with planned parenthood" pin and make sure that my students can get the contact info for planned parenthood/information on the facts of sexuality for whoever they think might need it.  Here in WA state there is a comprehensive sex ed program, so I think they're mainly good in this area.


I also like to get to know each of my students individually and encourage them in areas where they might not otherwise get encouragement.  I try to build them all up and to treat them all as respected students, not as girls vs. boys.  I remind all of them to not sell themselves short.


I think that teaching biology would present more opportunities to encourage my female students.  If I get a job teaching biology, it should be interesting to see what I'll be able to do to expand my students' horizons about feminist issues.


Let me know if any of you have any more questions for me.  I love answering them. :)

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read: not much the last couple days.  
taste:  hubby's fried-egg sandwich
see:  the Colbert Report, so funny!
hear: see above
smell: my new Castile Soap peppermint shampoo
touch: my fuzzy blanket.  So chilly today.
think: that watching the formula 1 race with my sister and bro-in-law tonight should be fun.
feel:  annoyed at all the legistlatures passing ridiculous laws in various states...
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