30 things every Woman Should Have and should know by the time she's 30...yeeeeeaaaah right.

So, I found this absolute "treasure" that's been going around as "good" advice.  Another list that women have to live up to or we're not "successful" or something...  Here's the article and my responses will be in red:

In 1997, Glamour magazine published a story titled "30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30." The list, written by Pamela Redmond Satran, was so popular that women started emailing it around, misattributing it to various female luminaries including Maya Angelou and Hillary Clinton. Noting what a phenomenon it had become, the editors of Glamour created a book around it, featuring essays from (mostly) famous women on each of the items on the list. The book, released today, includes meditations from Katie Couric on work and love, Portia de Rossi on accepting your body, and one from the list's original author, who is also a Huffington Post blogger, on how to live alone.
Because the list still makes us so, so happy (oh yes, I'm JUMPING for joy.  I love impossible standards to live up to!), we asked Glamour's permission to reprint it here:
By 30, you should have ...
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. (Who CARES?  I personally don't WANT a boyfriend I can imagine going back to.  How would help me in ANY way with my current relationship.  Beats me...not to mention the angst you "evidentally" have to feel if you don't date men or haven't had a boyfriend by 30...)
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.  (Yes, because my success is calculated by my furniture...)
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. (The EMPLOYER of my dreams?  WTF?  I don't plan any outfits for my employers.  I wear something nice.  This is considered ESSENTIAL to know by age 30.  Give me a break.)
 4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. (Yes, because I'm so ASHAMED when I carry a servicable umbrella that isn't stylish...heck I don't own an umbrella.  I'm such a FAILURE.)
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.  (Ok, whatever.  *yawn*)
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.  (and if you don't have any juicy sordid details in your past, well then you'll just have NOTHING to tell anybody after 30...)
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it.  (Do people at 30 suddenly realize they won't die young or something?  And, NEWS FLASH, 30 isn't that old.  Sure, save for retirement, but money for funding "old age".  For what?  Plastic surgery and face cream?  I'm sorry, I'm a little more secure about myself than that.)
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you.  (While probably a good idea, I doubt this is really something people need to be reminded to do before 30.)
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.  (And if you're a SAHM that hasn't been into the work force yet, you fail at this one evidentally...)
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.  (Ok, it's a little specific, but if they mean have friends, then I would hope you do by age 30...)
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.  (I suck at life.  I don't have a black lace bra.  I'm a horrible person.  Shoot me.)
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.  (And if you're poor or on a budget, then you just haven't worked hard enough!)
13. The belief that you deserve it.  (That all depends on what the "it" is...)
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.  (Does washing one's face in the shower count as a skincare regimen?  :P  And, yes, women after 30 need constant reminders that life "doesn't get better after 30".  Because normally we're taught to be SOOOO optimistic about aging.  WTH...I plan on not being manically depressed after 29, tyvm)
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.  (And if you're NOT in a relationship or you are a SAHM, you fail at life...)

By 30, you should know ...
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.  (Who says everyone needs to fall in love to live fulfilling successful lives?)
2. How you feel about having kids.  (Yes, cause you know after 29, you no longer get a choice about this and you definitely CANNOT change your mind...that would be too realistic...)
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.  (Unless of course you actually have liked all your jobs, don't date men/don't date, and have friends that are decent enough you don't have to confront.)
4. When to try harder and when to walk away.  (Ok, generic enough I'll take it, though by age 30?)
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.  (Learning to kiss is a.  hardly essential and b. a lifelong sort of thing IF you date.)
6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.  (Really?  This is just silly.  Who is going to know if you don't fulfill these requirements?  And I, I get my pants hemmed at the place down the street, not the "best place in town".)
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.  (If you live alone, this shouldn't be a problem, you've already figured it out.  Shouldn't people need to know how to live in whatever situation they're in?)
8. Where to go -- be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing.  (Ok, this one is fine.)
9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.  (How about the fact that you shouldn't care about these things in general?  Or that it's a little silly to put in a list of "essentials"?)
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.  (Ummmm, ok.  Some people may have enjoyed their childhoods you know.  And, most 30 year olds would know its over...most 18 year olds would too.)
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.  (Things change.  What you would and wouldn't do isn't set in stone, and probably shouldn't be.)
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.  (Actually, some people get away with not flossing all the time...and drinking, and smoking, and doing drugs...A call for moderation would be much better advice and even then.)
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.  (Once again, things change as we age.  People change.  You don't need to have this one figured out by age 30.  That's just silly.)
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.  (Hopefully you've learned this earlier than 29!)
15. Why they say life begins at 30  (Life begins at birth.  Enjoy life regardless of your age.)

What's on your personal list of things to have and know -- and possibly do -- before turning 30?

Clearly, this author thinks that all women date men (and if they don't, are somehow unworthy), are terrified of getting older, have a low self-esteem, are all part of the upper middle class or higher, and care mostly about trivial, pointless things (hello flossing and furniture, so UBER important! *rolls eyes*).  And why are things really that essential by age 30?  Really?  Does anyone NEED to know how many kids they want and have a man already?  Just having a list for all women to check off to make sure they're successful is pretty lame.  Do we really need to prescribe pointless checklists that all women need to check off in order to make themselves feel better or worse about their personal success?

Here's my list of much more practical things to worry about than the above:
1.  Women, throw all the lists that other people made out with the garbage.  Each of us is a unique individual with our own list for success.  Success is not determined by anyone other than yourself.

2.  You are NOT defined by whether you have a man or not (despite almost everyone telling you that it matters, it really doesn't), whether you floss or not, or your furniture.  You are ONLY defined by what you choose to define yourself by and if someone doesn't think so, then tell them to get a life.

3.  Friends are a biggy.  Make them, keep them.

4.  Do what makes you happy and fulfilled in life, regardless of how society might view you.

5.  Do what you need to to be healthy, which may or may not be the same things as what other people do to be healthy.

6.  Do your best to make decisions throughout your life that will not leave you with regrets.

7.  Feel free to disregard the first 6 if these things do not seem good enough for you.  I will not judge you either way.  :)


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read:  The Gospel of Mary of Magdala
taste:  chai tea latte
see:  a cloudy day
hear: my students working on a worksheet.  (I've been adding little by little to this as I walk by while making my rounds :P) 
smell:  Chai
touch:  a very nice keyboard (easy to press keys)
think:  that women place waaaaay too many trivial standards upon each other...
feel:  cold.  We had an impromptu 1 hour long emergency evacuation.  Not sure what for yet.  I'll ask around at lunch.  Maybe there will be a second post today...
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Going Green...

Hey everyone!  I thought I'd expound a little on something I've been interested in lately.  Going green.  This means that I try to use products that are Organic, 100% natural, or without harmful chemicals/toxins as much as possible.  My focus lately has been on the things that touch my skin.  The skin absorbs things so well, so its a big concern if you're letting certain products touch your skin on a regular basis.  Many of the chemicals, like parabens, etc, cause severe allergies in people and their real affect on people without a direct allergy is largely unknown, due to a rather limited FDA here in the US.  Could some of the things I'm trying so hard to avoid not actually be all that harmful?  Very possibly.  But, I don't really see the point in taking that risk when here in Seattle area it's so easy to get a hold of green products.  It's a pretty common thing around here, which is one of the reasons I so love this place. : )  Seattle has a high concentration of outdoorsy, highly educated, healthy-living people.  I also like the diversity and the ability to be who you are without being judged for it negatively.  We're pretty laid back around here and like people to be able to do as they like as long as they don't mess with other people and whatnot.  Anyway, that's sort of a tangent.

I've so far overhauled the things that touch my skin.  Here's what I've got:

On the left is Castile Soap.  It's all-purpose shower soap.  I have it in peppermint flavor and its completely natural.  It gives your skin that tingly fresh feeling kind of like toothpaste.  I use it as shampoo.  This one huge bottle is about 16 dollars with tax, so more up front.  BUT, you have to use less than half of what you would for regular shampoos and it still lathers even better than regular shampoo.  I think it's going to last at LEAST half a year with both Micah and I using it as shampoo. It kind of clarifies your hair at the same time, so you need to make sure you use a good conditioner afterwards to be able to style your hair later.  In the middle is a the most natural brand of body wash that I could find at Safeway.  It was just a couple dollars more than regular body wash, but it's only 95% natural.  Who knows how bad that 5% actually is for you.  It's got a nice scent, but I'll be shopping at Fred Meyer for my next purchase because I want 100%.  My conditioner on the right is 100% natural.  It's nice and conditioning and doesn't really have much of a scent.  It's just as moisturizing as any other conditioner and leaves my hair nice and soft.

On the left is my face moisturizer.  It's the FAB (First Aid Beauty) brand at Sephora and inexpensive in comparison to the other brands you can find there.  It's for sensitive skin and has none of the chemicals that irritate skin.  This product and the middle one basically sold my on green skin products, because I IMMEDIATELY felt a difference in how my face felt after using it.  The middle jar is my face wash and it feels delightful.  I have very dry skin with a persistent oily sheen on my nose, chin, and forehead.  But, this product makes it feel clean and yet soft and moisturized.  Any other face wash that I've tried actually leaves my skin so dry that it feels like it will crack about 30 seconds after I've patted my face dry.  It may have been some sort of sensitivity to the chemicals found in normal face washes.  Who knows, but even the "ultra moisturizing" versions of face wash left my face feeling like a desert.  The last item is something I just bought.  It's the lavanilla brand of body lotion at Sephora and not any more expensive than bath and body works products.  It's not organic, but free of all the same chemicals that could be harmful and cause allergies.  It was the last skin care product that I needed something natural in.  It's thick and creamy and delicious.  It's has a line of baby products too that I would try as well (for myself or someday for kids).

The aluminum found in regular deodorants and pretty well linked to alzheimers and other older age problems.  So, I use Tom's.  I simply couldn't comfortably use it until the last year or so though because my armpits have actually decreased in sweat production (finally).  I felt like a teen going through puberty up until last year and that aluminum was the only thing that worked.  At least I'm off it now.  It's lavendar scented and works just fine now.  The middle product is my pressed powder for regular daily coverage.  It's the Sephora brand of all natural mineral foundation, so it's a little cheaper and just as good as bare minerals.  It is so light and natural feeling that I don't even know I have anything on my face.  It also combats my dry skin and covers my oily sheen nicely.  (win-win).  The right is a cream foundation that has really great coverage that still feels light.  It was a little more spendy, so I use it for special occasions or going to church.  It's lasted almost 2 years though.

For all of the more expensive products that I've bought, they all literally last forever!  A little goes a long way, so it really does pay for itself and it just feels better.  You can kind of tell when you're using products that are natural.  Your skin is so much happier for it. : )

The next going green project is cleaning supplies.  I've already researched how to make one's one natural all-purpose cleaner, I just want to use up the cleaners I have now before I delve into it.  I'm sort of going green too when it comes to food as well.  I try to avoid buying the "dirty dozen" (everyone should google it) unless I can get it organic and things like that.  With food, we simply can't afford to buy everything organic, so we limit our toxic chemical intake as best we can.  I LOVE shopping at Trader Joes which has everything organic or pre-organic, meaning every single item in that store is free of chemicals, pesticides, antibiotics, you name it.  There still are a FEW items with preservatives that are kind of iffy (my mother is extremely allergic to some that are supposedly "ok" for regular consumption), but there are very few items and you just need to look at the ingredient list to make sure.  There's nothing more wonderful than picking up hashbrowns and reading that the ingredients are:  potatoes, and that's IT.  You should take a look at the ingredients list of regular grocery store items.  It's a little worrisome.  Oh, I also use ONLY glassware dishes to microwave foods.

Someday when Micah and I decide we are ready to be parents, we'll go completely toxic-free and organic.  Especially when they are still 6 months old or less and potentially more vulnerable.  Just as a little disclaimer, there is NOTHING wrong with you if you don't think it's for you to go green/organic.  It's a simple lifestyle choice that no one should be judged for if they do or don't.  We all have our priorities and the things that we each feel is important to improve.

Do any of you use organic or natural items?  

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read:  Cold Fire... still
taste: mizithra and browned butter
see:  kitty lounging on my purse, looking up at me
hear: kitty making her cute lil plaintif meow
smell: browned butter
touch:  my cold glass of iced pear juice
think:  lately?  That I'm so glad that I live in a democratic state, especially as a woman
feel:  thankful for the love I have in my life and the rights I have as a person here
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What I think of "The Hunger Games"

For those who haven't read it, you should.  I found it to be an excellent, excellent series.  And here's why:

Katniss is a wonderful main character.  She's not your average female character for sure.  She knows how to hunt, has awesome aim, is smart, doesn't worry about her appearance, defies cruel authority, and has such a compassion and respect for human life (despite the circumstances she is placed under).  I believe that young women need to have more female characters like Katniss in their reading repertoire.  Books need to represent a wide range of female characters, because that's the reality of the world we live in.  Women have just as varied a range of character as men do in real life, but this isn't portrayed as much in books/media.  This makes it hard for young girls to find examples of the sorts of women they would like to be when they grow up, because the options are limited.  I'm thrilled that The Hunger Games trilogy is enough of a hit that the majority of young people will be able to read and appreciate what an amazing character Collins' created.

The book is also amazing in that it really highlights what should be important in life.  Compassion, love, integrity, honor, are all emphasized because of the atrocious and cruel scenario that is set up.  It's one of those things that you don't know is important until you don't have it anymore.  Even in a cruel and purposefully arbitrary world, people can still have hope and fight for the freedom to love and live in a fulfilling, meaningful way.  

This book series really resonates with our young people today because they can identify with the sometimes cruel and arbitrary adult world that imposes oppressive beliefs and practices on them.  While of course the book is an overexaggeration of the problems, its makes one think of the horrors many children face in our modern day that children should never be subject to.

This book is a critique of our own society.  The capital, the one place that rules them all is made up of people with nothing better to do than be entertained and worry about things like food and fashion.  They are gluttonous, ignorant, uncompassionate, and frivolous.  They don't seem to understand or care that children die in the Hunger Games.  They obsess unhealthfully about the most trivial things.  They are constantly concerned about appearance and style, even to the extent of plastic surgery to make them look like an animal and the like.  Isn't that just the way that society seems to be heading?  Reality TV and media in general advertise to get people to obsess over just the same things.  It's something to think about.

As a feminist, I think there are some very female-positive elements to the book series.  While not intended to highlight feminist ideas, it is very accepting and open to the idea that people take on the roles they are personally best suited to, and not the traditional roles established by society as male or female.  The apocalyptic scenario seems to help everyone realize that gender roles simply aren't necessary when everyone must do what they can to survive.  Women aren't regarded as odd or un-feminine when they can shoot with better accuracy than men and are the main bread-winners of the family.  Men aren't considered weak or feminine if they are the one who is saved from death by a woman.  Males don't seem to have a macho complex and females are not seen as objects to be viewed and ogled.  And, all genders are criticized for being unnecessarily violent, even during a war.  There is a male and female protagonist, and a male and female antagonist, making it clear to the reader that males don't have a monopoly on violence and females don't have a monopoly on gentleness/compassion.  Peeta is a great example for young men in that he is no less of a man or person because he is forgiving, abhors unnecessary violence, patient, and nurturing of others.  It puts all of the normal gender stereotypes we hear today on end and shakes it up.  Hopefully people realize just how much about gender roles is a social construct and not necessarily a biological reality.

Anyway, that's my take on the books.  They are the sort of books I will have to buy and read over and over.  I think with each read, more nuance can be picked up.  I think its an 11 out of 10 just like Harry Potter.

So, my readers, what do you think of the series if you've read it?  If you haven't read it, will you?

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read: taste: see: hear: smell: touch: think: feel: via