So, I found this absolute "treasure" that's been going around as "good" advice. Another list that women have to live up to or we're not "successful" or something... Here's the article and my responses will be in red:
In 1997, Glamour magazine published a story titled "30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30." The list, written by Pamela Redmond Satran, was so popular that women started emailing it around, misattributing it to various female luminaries including Maya Angelou and Hillary Clinton. Noting what a phenomenon it had become, the editors of Glamour created a book around it, featuring essays from (mostly) famous women on each of the items on the list. The book, released today, includes meditations from Katie Couric on work and love, Portia de Rossi on accepting your body, and one from the list's original author, who is also a Huffington Post blogger, on how to live alone.
Because the list still makes us so, so happy (oh yes, I'm JUMPING for joy. I love impossible standards to live up to!), we asked Glamour's permission to reprint it here:
By 30, you should have ...
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. (Who CARES? I personally don't WANT a boyfriend I can imagine going back to. How would help me in ANY way with my current relationship. Beats me...not to mention the angst you "evidentally" have to feel if you don't date men or haven't had a boyfriend by 30...)
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. (Yes, because my success is calculated by my furniture...)
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. (The EMPLOYER of my dreams? WTF? I don't plan any outfits for my employers. I wear something nice. This is considered ESSENTIAL to know by age 30. Give me a break.)
4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. (Yes, because I'm so ASHAMED when I carry a servicable umbrella that isn't stylish...heck I don't own an umbrella. I'm such a FAILURE.)
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond. (Ok, whatever. *yawn*)
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age. (and if you don't have any juicy sordid details in your past, well then you'll just have NOTHING to tell anybody after 30...)
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it. (Do people at 30 suddenly realize they won't die young or something? And, NEWS FLASH, 30 isn't that old. Sure, save for retirement, but money for funding "old age". For what? Plastic surgery and face cream? I'm sorry, I'm a little more secure about myself than that.)
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you. (While probably a good idea, I doubt this is really something people need to be reminded to do before 30.)
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. (And if you're a SAHM that hasn't been into the work force yet, you fail at this one evidentally...)
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. (Ok, it's a little specific, but if they mean have friends, then I would hope you do by age 30...)
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. (I suck at life. I don't have a black lace bra. I'm a horrible person. Shoot me.)
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. (And if you're poor or on a budget, then you just haven't worked hard enough!)
13. The belief that you deserve it. (That all depends on what the "it" is...)
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30. (Does washing one's face in the shower count as a skincare regimen? :P And, yes, women after 30 need constant reminders that life "doesn't get better after 30". Because normally we're taught to be SOOOO optimistic about aging. WTH...I plan on not being manically depressed after 29, tyvm)
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better. (And if you're NOT in a relationship or you are a SAHM, you fail at life...)
By 30, you should know ...
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. (Who says everyone needs to fall in love to live fulfilling successful lives?)
2. How you feel about having kids. (Yes, cause you know after 29, you no longer get a choice about this and you definitely CANNOT change your mind...that would be too realistic...)
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. (Unless of course you actually have liked all your jobs, don't date men/don't date, and have friends that are decent enough you don't have to confront.)
4. When to try harder and when to walk away. (Ok, generic enough I'll take it, though by age 30?)
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. (Learning to kiss is a. hardly essential and b. a lifelong sort of thing IF you date.)
6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town. (Really? This is just silly. Who is going to know if you don't fulfill these requirements? And I, I get my pants hemmed at the place down the street, not the "best place in town".)
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to. (If you live alone, this shouldn't be a problem, you've already figured it out. Shouldn't people need to know how to live in whatever situation they're in?)
8. Where to go -- be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing. (Ok, this one is fine.)
9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents. (How about the fact that you shouldn't care about these things in general? Or that it's a little silly to put in a list of "essentials"?)
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over. (Ummmm, ok. Some people may have enjoyed their childhoods you know. And, most 30 year olds would know its over...most 18 year olds would too.)
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love. (Things change. What you would and wouldn't do isn't set in stone, and probably shouldn't be.)
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long. (Actually, some people get away with not flossing all the time...and drinking, and smoking, and doing drugs...A call for moderation would be much better advice and even then.)
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally. (Once again, things change as we age. People change. You don't need to have this one figured out by age 30. That's just silly.)
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault. (Hopefully you've learned this earlier than 29!)
15. Why they say life begins at 30 (Life begins at birth. Enjoy life regardless of your age.)
What's on your personal list of things to have and know -- and possibly do -- before turning 30?
Clearly, this author thinks that all women date men (and if they don't, are somehow unworthy), are terrified of getting older, have a low self-esteem, are all part of the upper middle class or higher, and care mostly about trivial, pointless things (hello flossing and furniture, so UBER important! *rolls eyes*). And why are things really that essential by age 30? Really? Does anyone NEED to know how many kids they want and have a man already? Just having a list for all women to check off to make sure they're successful is pretty lame. Do we really need to prescribe pointless checklists that all women need to check off in order to make themselves feel better or worse about their personal success?
Here's my list of much more practical things to worry about than the above:
1. Women, throw all the lists that other people made out with the garbage. Each of us is a unique individual with our own list for success. Success is not determined by anyone other than yourself.
2. You are NOT defined by whether you have a man or not (despite almost everyone telling you that it matters, it really doesn't), whether you floss or not, or your furniture. You are ONLY defined by what you choose to define yourself by and if someone doesn't think so, then tell them to get a life.
3. Friends are a biggy. Make them, keep them.
4. Do what makes you happy and fulfilled in life, regardless of how society might view you.
5. Do what you need to to be healthy, which may or may not be the same things as what other people do to be healthy.
6. Do your best to make decisions throughout your life that will not leave you with regrets.
7. Feel free to disregard the first 6 if these things do not seem good enough for you. I will not judge you either way. :)
•
read: The Gospel of Mary of MagdalaIn 1997, Glamour magazine published a story titled "30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She's 30." The list, written by Pamela Redmond Satran, was so popular that women started emailing it around, misattributing it to various female luminaries including Maya Angelou and Hillary Clinton. Noting what a phenomenon it had become, the editors of Glamour created a book around it, featuring essays from (mostly) famous women on each of the items on the list. The book, released today, includes meditations from Katie Couric on work and love, Portia de Rossi on accepting your body, and one from the list's original author, who is also a Huffington Post blogger, on how to live alone.
Because the list still makes us so, so happy (oh yes, I'm JUMPING for joy. I love impossible standards to live up to!), we asked Glamour's permission to reprint it here:
By 30, you should have ...
1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. (Who CARES? I personally don't WANT a boyfriend I can imagine going back to. How would help me in ANY way with my current relationship. Beats me...not to mention the angst you "evidentally" have to feel if you don't date men or haven't had a boyfriend by 30...)
2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family. (Yes, because my success is calculated by my furniture...)
3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. (The EMPLOYER of my dreams? WTF? I don't plan any outfits for my employers. I wear something nice. This is considered ESSENTIAL to know by age 30. Give me a break.)
4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. (Yes, because I'm so ASHAMED when I carry a servicable umbrella that isn't stylish...heck I don't own an umbrella. I'm such a FAILURE.)
5. A youth you’re content to move beyond. (Ok, whatever. *yawn*)
6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age. (and if you don't have any juicy sordid details in your past, well then you'll just have NOTHING to tell anybody after 30...)
7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age -- and some money set aside to help fund it. (Do people at 30 suddenly realize they won't die young or something? And, NEWS FLASH, 30 isn't that old. Sure, save for retirement, but money for funding "old age". For what? Plastic surgery and face cream? I'm sorry, I'm a little more secure about myself than that.)
8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account -- all of which nobody has access to but you. (While probably a good idea, I doubt this is really something people need to be reminded to do before 30.)
9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. (And if you're a SAHM that hasn't been into the work force yet, you fail at this one evidentally...)
10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. (Ok, it's a little specific, but if they mean have friends, then I would hope you do by age 30...)
11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. (I suck at life. I don't have a black lace bra. I'm a horrible person. Shoot me.)
12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. (And if you're poor or on a budget, then you just haven't worked hard enough!)
13. The belief that you deserve it. (That all depends on what the "it" is...)
14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30. (Does washing one's face in the shower count as a skincare regimen? :P And, yes, women after 30 need constant reminders that life "doesn't get better after 30". Because normally we're taught to be SOOOO optimistic about aging. WTH...I plan on not being manically depressed after 29, tyvm)
15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better. (And if you're NOT in a relationship or you are a SAHM, you fail at life...)
By 30, you should know ...
1. How to fall in love without losing yourself. (Who says everyone needs to fall in love to live fulfilling successful lives?)
2. How you feel about having kids. (Yes, cause you know after 29, you no longer get a choice about this and you definitely CANNOT change your mind...that would be too realistic...)
3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship. (Unless of course you actually have liked all your jobs, don't date men/don't date, and have friends that are decent enough you don't have to confront.)
4. When to try harder and when to walk away. (Ok, generic enough I'll take it, though by age 30?)
5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next. (Learning to kiss is a. hardly essential and b. a lifelong sort of thing IF you date.)
6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town. (Really? This is just silly. Who is going to know if you don't fulfill these requirements? And I, I get my pants hemmed at the place down the street, not the "best place in town".)
7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to. (If you live alone, this shouldn't be a problem, you've already figured it out. Shouldn't people need to know how to live in whatever situation they're in?)
8. Where to go -- be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat -- when your soul needs soothing. (Ok, this one is fine.)
9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents. (How about the fact that you shouldn't care about these things in general? Or that it's a little silly to put in a list of "essentials"?)
10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over. (Ummmm, ok. Some people may have enjoyed their childhoods you know. And, most 30 year olds would know its over...most 18 year olds would too.)
11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love. (Things change. What you would and wouldn't do isn't set in stone, and probably shouldn't be.)
12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long. (Actually, some people get away with not flossing all the time...and drinking, and smoking, and doing drugs...A call for moderation would be much better advice and even then.)
13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally. (Once again, things change as we age. People change. You don't need to have this one figured out by age 30. That's just silly.)
14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault. (Hopefully you've learned this earlier than 29!)
15. Why they say life begins at 30 (Life begins at birth. Enjoy life regardless of your age.)
What's on your personal list of things to have and know -- and possibly do -- before turning 30?
Clearly, this author thinks that all women date men (and if they don't, are somehow unworthy), are terrified of getting older, have a low self-esteem, are all part of the upper middle class or higher, and care mostly about trivial, pointless things (hello flossing and furniture, so UBER important! *rolls eyes*). And why are things really that essential by age 30? Really? Does anyone NEED to know how many kids they want and have a man already? Just having a list for all women to check off to make sure they're successful is pretty lame. Do we really need to prescribe pointless checklists that all women need to check off in order to make themselves feel better or worse about their personal success?
Here's my list of much more practical things to worry about than the above:
1. Women, throw all the lists that other people made out with the garbage. Each of us is a unique individual with our own list for success. Success is not determined by anyone other than yourself.
2. You are NOT defined by whether you have a man or not (despite almost everyone telling you that it matters, it really doesn't), whether you floss or not, or your furniture. You are ONLY defined by what you choose to define yourself by and if someone doesn't think so, then tell them to get a life.
3. Friends are a biggy. Make them, keep them.
4. Do what makes you happy and fulfilled in life, regardless of how society might view you.
5. Do what you need to to be healthy, which may or may not be the same things as what other people do to be healthy.
6. Do your best to make decisions throughout your life that will not leave you with regrets.
7. Feel free to disregard the first 6 if these things do not seem good enough for you. I will not judge you either way. :)
•
taste: chai tea latte
see: a cloudy day
hear: my students working on a worksheet. (I've been adding little by little to this as I walk by while making my rounds :P)
smell: Chai
touch: a very nice keyboard (easy to press keys)
think: that women place waaaaay too many trivial standards upon each other...
feel: cold. We had an impromptu 1 hour long emergency evacuation. Not sure what for yet. I'll ask around at lunch. Maybe there will be a second post today...
via
5 comments:
I love the way you think; and, yup, your list is better. As if you need anyone else's approval. ;-)
That was pretty ridiculous. It made me laugh a little bit, I must admit. Like you said, it's pretty stupid to think that anyone, man or woman, should feel like they have to do things or own things by a certain age to be on-track or successful. Life continually evolves and changes, and it's not like we have to have the perfect life or be done growing and learning by a certain age, especially 30! The first section was much more entertaining though than the second. It's hard to imagine someone writing that and being totally serious. Life is about so much more than things!
It kind of implied in the list that one should be at least a little depressed that they're getting older. :( It's a little sad. Just today I had a lady coworker mention that she celebrated a birthday recently and I quote "not that anyone likes having a birthday, but we did some fun things". :( I don't want to be a depressed older person someday. I refuse to be ashamed of signs of age or think that "it's all down hill from here". It's one thing to joke about it, it's another to be perfectly serious about hating one's age. Thanks for your comments Jacqueline and Kira. :)
I am actually pretty excited to turn 30 this summer...and while I did have a few goals I wanted to meet in life by this point, they were totally specific to ME and now I have a bunch more fun things I am excited to work towards in my next decade (work, family, health goals etc.)! I agree that your addition to this article is WAY better, Jill :)
Go you Julia! :)
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