"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better."
Now, knowing her story, I understand completely where she is coming from. She has been given a road that makes her more likely to appreciate her children when she finally gets them. BUT, I don't think she has a right to compare her mothering with mommies who do not need IVF etc. to get pregnant. Mothering skills are not defined by whether or not you need medical help to get pregnant. It made me kind of feel for all the mothers out there who did not have to struggle physically to get pregnant, but yet are some of the best moms I know. Each mom has a completely different and unique experience. Some have trouble getting pregnant, some are extremely sick while pregnant, some go through PPD after the birth, there are so many situations in our daily lives that help us appreciate our little ones once we've overcome difficult situations. Going through IVF is not the magic catalyst that makes you a "better" mother. Strong individuals who love unconditionally make good mothers, and going through IVF may or may not indicate that you are that sort of individual.
I believe that this young women IS a strong mother who loves unconditionally, and has taken her set-backs hard, for good reason. But, I almost wish she realized that she is a good mother because she's ready and able to love like a parent needs to and not because of any difficult situations that she's had to go through.
I would rephrase her quote to: "My experience has made me a better mother" without comparing herself to those who she considers luckier than her.
And for all the mothers out there who I know and love, you are a good mother because that's who you were intended to be and no difficult situation or dilemma or hurdle can change that.
3 comments:
I absolutely agree with you. While it's true that there are some women out there who maybe didn't plan their pregnancies, didn't want them, and maybe arent 'great' moms, that's definitely not our job to judge. I like the quote after you changed it too, because I definitely don't think the getting pregnant period of time is the only part of mothering that requires patience or that causes heartache. Sounds like she had struggles trying to get pregnant, but some people have them later as well. Case in point, you know our friend who is struggling with breastfeeding her baby. I SO admire her and think she's so awesome. I also know of a mom who is dealing with her baby (younger than Sienna) who had a life threatening brain tumor recently and now faces chemotherapy. Now who could imagine facing that? I don't want to cheapen her pain since I don't know it, but I'd say there are many challenges as a mother that are just a difficult as infertility. I definitely feel for her, but think like you said, she shouldn't claim it'll make her better than most other mothers.
Here's a quote I like..."Making the decision to have a child – it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
- Elizabeth Stone
This is so true and it is so scary, painful and absolutely wonderful all at the same time. So much of parenting is bittersweet, but the sweet definitely outweighs the bitter.
There is nothing in life that has brought me more joy than being a mother. Yes, it has brought me some sorrows, but I would never go back. It is definitely like having your heart go walking outside of your body and you have to be willing to take whatever that brings.
It isn't life experiences that makes a person a good mother; it is the wisdom that God gives us.
Love your comments!
Now, I need to come up with some more controversial posts so I get some more! ;)
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